Guest blogger - Paige Elizabeth McDonnell

So I’ve been searching on and off for a job for about two years now.

To clarify, I do have a job; I currently work as a newborn photographer at the local hospitals. It’s a blessing to be a part of this brand-spanking new chapter of life for families, but it doesn’t pay all that well. There are no benefits either, such as health care. I have a bachelor’s degree in graphic design, but I’ve been unable to land a job in my field thus far. There have been dozens of resumes sent, a few replies, even fewer interviews, and all negative responses. At twenty-six years old, living paycheck to paycheck and still partially dependent upon my parents is not where I thought I’d be when I was younger.

Another thing about me? I hate waiting.

When I was a child, my mother pointed out that I was constantly saying, “I can’t wait for…” I would get excited for birthdays and new school classes and lessons and all the changes that life brought, always moving forward. So being in this state of waiting has been a struggle for me.

For a while, I tried to be happy about it. I tried to see the good in where I was and the hope for a future with a better job. I tried not to be envious of my friends who were growing up and joining the 9 to 5 workforce with the salary and benefits I was dreaming of. I think I unconsciously felt as though happiness was something I owed God, because I had family, friends, shelter, a good life. Of course sorrow was allowed, I just shouldn’t feel it too often because I’d find a dream job eventually, right?

After a while, though, apathy took over. I wasn’t going to church as frequently, and joy was fleeting. Nothing was changing in my life other than the fact that I was going off of my parents’ health care soon, and it seemed as though I was destined to become a drain on society, all because I was too lazy or worthless to do anything of value. I’d spent four years studying and preparing for the real world, and it hit me like a brick wall. I was just so tired, but nothing changed.

I want to tell you that I had an epiphany, but that’s not really true. It’s been a gradual climb since then, several epiphanies and many, many prayers. I got tired of being tired, and frustrated with how I was feeling and handling life. I started reading my Bible again, and I found a welcoming church near me that has lifted me up this past year when times have gotten rough. A recent sermon from my church reminded me about what the Bible says about waiting:

13 I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. 14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

(1 John 5:13-15)

God hears us, and he responds. Sometimes the answer is “no” or “not right now”, and that’s okay. Things may not change for a long time for me. Maybe I won’t ever find a job in my field, and that’s okay. It’s okay to be sad about that. It’s okay to not always know what to do. I have to remind myself that, although my worries are not insubstantial, they pale in comparison to the joy that is coming.

I don’t know what’s going to happen with my future, but I’m working towards a better one with the knowledge that “The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.” (Lamentations 3:25)